new (possible) morning routine

• up around 8ish, I’m thinking. 8-9 is my goal right now, but I got up at 10 today. 
• pick up a little bit/make room for my yoga mat in my room (this includes my mattress and boxspring being moved)
• make a point to drink at least half a bottle of water
• morning yoga/pilates
• put room back together and clean a bit, if needed
• shower
• food
• possibly a walk or some other form of cardio
• be done with all this by 11
• do whatever else I’d like to do that day. 

but we’ll see what happens. I wish we had a workout room or something. 

Trying to get more into fitness than weight loss again.

My goal for my body is to be strong and in complete control of it. I want to be graceful but athletic. Toned but elegant. That’s going to be my new years resolution this year. Fitness rather than weight loss. To complete this goal I could..

1. Go to the gym more often. Get more cardio and maybe more strength training there.
2. Take some fitness classes. Possibly pilates or yoga. Maybe both.
3. Try dancing. Or hooping. Or poi. Or all three. (:
4. Actually go rollerblading and hope some of my friends will go with me lol.
5. Hike with my nature lovers. Hell, just go outside and for walks more often in general.
6. Get a yoga mat, maybe an exercise ball and some weights, and find good exercises online.

Any more suggestions?

Well..

Yesterday wasn’t very productive lol.

I don’t even remember what all I did yesterday. I just remember that I didn’t sleep well and I got up early. I don’t think I did much around the house, but I did read a little bit. I ended up grabbing my girl and going out with a couple friends for a pretty long drive which ended at a diner. But anyway.

Today hasn’t been productive at all either, except I did some exercises at home. My girl is on her way here now and I’m spending the night with her, then going with her family to Hershey Park tomorrow. Guess my weekend is a bit of a waste, but I’m enjoying it. At least I’m not smoking up constantly. That’s a pretty big accomplishment, really. And I honestly haven’t even thought of weed other than when I saw it on my dash.

I dunno. We’ll see what happens. 

Things I’ve accomplished so far today.

• Woke up at a decent time. Around 8:30 I think.
• Washed my hair. This is big for me. My depression killed prettymuch all of my will to take care of my hygiene so it’s honestly been forever since I’ve taken a shower. (And screw anyone who says that’s gross. You don’t need to shower more than two or three times a week unless you’re constantly sweating or getting dirty.)
• Ate some kidney beans. Not enough but I’m about to rewarm them and try again. Maybe I’ll actually be able to make it into the gym today. I’m hoping.
• Talked to mom about some things that have been bothering me. I don’t feel like anything is resolved, though. It didn’t do anything but make her cry. :/ 
• Paid my insurance. Didn’t even have to go to the bank! Hah! 

Things left to do - 

• Find/buy clothes for the gym.
• Actually go to the gym.
• Let Tweak out and play with her for a bit.
• Spend some time outside. (I’m not sure if it’s super cold or not though..)
• Finish reading The Death Cure.
• Possibly see my girlfriend tonight (: if she isn’t trying to catch up on sleep, that is.
• Eat some more. 
• Clean my room. 

I think that sounds good for today. Let’s hope I can I will keep up with this whole daily goal thing. 

Things have gotten out of hand.

I feel like I’m wasting my life. So I made a pact with my girl. Well, we’re committed to this, at least.. I figured since we’re both wanting to make some pretty drastic positive changes, we might as well do it together and be each other’s support system. 

• We’re going to stop smoking except for weekends. I’m sick of not remembering things. The only exception is if I’m having a horrible horrible depression day, and I will NOT seek it out. (Dan, this means don’t offer it to me lmao.) And her exception is if she needs to wake up before work - 2-3 hit max.
• Complete the FAFSA and hopefully start going to school. I need to research different schools and see if there are any around here that have any alternate healing courses. It’s either that, psychology, massage therapy, or some type of enrichment like philosophy or art studies. I’m really undecided about what I’d like to get into, but this is a goal, so I have a little bit of time to refine it.
• Apply at different places and hopefully get at the very least a part time job. It’ll help with boredom, give me a change of environment, and I’ll be earning a little money. Nothing bad about that, right?
• Pay my car insurance - I can do this now, but I just need to keep reminding myself about it. I need a checkbook. ._. Which reminds me I need to go to the bank tomorrow.. Anywayyys!
• Eventually save up enough money to move out of my parent’s house. I hope this happens sooner rather than later, but I can’t hope for sooner if I don’t get a job asap! Oi the logic.
• Become more athletic and play sports or dance for recreational purposes. Will probably end up getting into yoga, also. I’m sick of being so sedentary. It’s time to be active and become stronger and more in control of my body.

Short term goals -

• Clean my room. Lol.
• Pay more attention to Tweak and allow her to run around more of the house than just my bedroom. This isn’t just my decision, though.
• Read the books that I have left to read.
• Find a new hobby and get back into an old one.
• Go to the gym more. - Already working on this one.
• Buy new clothes for the gym.
• Be a better girlfriend.
• Be a better friend.
• Take care of myself instead of everyone else - though I’m not sure if this conflicts with the “be a better (girl)friend” or not. 
• Take more pride in myself - I’m sick of being so down on myself. I still can’t really see any abilities that I have, but I haven’t really tried to do anything, so.. how can I say I don’t have any if I don’t even know? 
• Grow up a bit. Take more responsibility for myself and my actions. 
• Make my family and myself proud to be who I am. 
• Lose about ten more pounds by New Years - the healthy way. I’m at 189ish at this point. 16 pounds to go before I’ve lost 100!
• Get back control of my eating habits and try to eat 1200 calories of fresh and healthy food per day. That’s probably about 4-10 times the amount that I eat now. Thanks depression. 
• Start getting back into creating art again - probably drawing.
• Be happy.

Things that I have already accomplished - 

• Graduated high school.
• Snagged an amazing girlfriend. 
• Never touched a cigarette in my life and I never will.
• Not become an alcoholic like so many other people my age have. 
• Lost over 80 pounds! I’m particularly proud of this one. (:
• Helped people through hard times. 
• Currently volunteering at an animal shelter every other weekend. 
• Started telling my dad that I love him and have somewhat of a relationship that I never had with him before.
• Made some incredible friends that I love with all my heart.
• Gone through major illness, and am still struggling through it, but I have not given up.
• Gone through an abusive relationship and come out of it stronger than ever.
• Worked at the local college for two years. 
• Haven’t completely lost my mind yet.. lol.
• Got up the gall to create these lists and make it harder to go back on my commitment.

I can do this. We can do this. I WILL stay committed.